21.5.22 UÇAK Bir balon süzülür içimden göğe. Bazen de içimden; adacıklar, kara parçaları ve  çakıl taşları düşer denize. Her kalktığında uçak,, çakıl taşlarım, kara parçalarım, içimdeki adacıklar, Her kalktığında uçak,, içimden goğe bir balon Her kalktığında uçak,, içimden karalar Her kalktığında uçak,, içindeki taşlar Her kalktığında uçak,, içimden adacıklar Düşe, düşer. --- AIRPLANE A balloon drifts from within me into the sky. And sometimes, from inside me— islets, pieces of land and pebbles fall into the sea. Every time the airplane takes off, my pebbles, my pieces of land, the islets within me, Every time the airplane takes off,, a balloon from within me to the sky Every time the airplane takes off,, lands from within me Every time the airplane takes off,, the stones inside it Every time the airplane takes off,, islets from within me Fall, they fall in to dream.

19.5.22 Sahil Olmak Üzerine * Çakıl taşları yaptım bütün gün Bir plajı doldurucak kadar taşım olmasını düşledim Her bir taşa değmişim Hepsi parmakların arasından kaymış Burnumdan düşmüş Hepsini içime çekmiş bir sahile üflemişim Plaj olmuş Sahil olmuş Ne güzel Hayat olmuş Ömrümce taş yapsam Yeter mi boylu boyunca yeni dünya’ plajına? * Taş Tarifi:: Arta kalan toz ile kurumuş çamur tozum Az su ile can suyum Bir kaç geçmiș kıştan biriken Tutkal niyetine küllerimden Neden her gün dünyalar kurmak isterim kendime,, yine yeni yeniden --- On Becoming A Shore I made pebbles all day I dreamed of having enough stones to fill a beach I touched every single one They all slipped through my fingers They fell from my nose I inhaled them all and blew them onto a shore It became a beach It became a shore How beautiful It became life If I made stones all my life Would it be enough to stretch across the beach of a new world? * Stone Recipe:: With the leftover dust and my dried mud-dust,, With a little water and my water of life,, Accumulated from a few past winters, From my ashes, as if they were glue— Why do I want to build worlds for myself every day, again and again, anew?

Untitled one, 2022, Ash, oil and gesso on linen Untitled too, 2022, Ash and oil on linen Partikūl, 2022, Fired leftover ash and ceramic dust

IST-BLN is an artist residency project curated by Meral Karacaoglan in collaboration with Hoto, Berlin. At Hoto, I made a series of paintings using ash and oil — works I have not shown to the public until the IST–BLN project. In 2020, I started mixing ashes with leftover ceramic dust and made pebble-like forms as a meditative act—thinking about transforming 'dust to rock'. Only few months before I made my decision to quit art in 2021; 2022 winter, I have been invited to the residency project by Meral Karacaoglan. This residency project carried a mission on whether I should quit or continue to make art. I take all my early preparation process and my time there as a performative work. Late May, I wrote a poem on a plane. The question came out of as a poem as if a being makes stones entire life time would it be enough to make an island or a shore. Before going to Berlin, I challenged my self to make as much as stone I could make until my departure time and I produced 1,075 stones in 15 days. Some days my mother came to my studio and I taught her how to make stones, she enjoyed it and the time consuming process made us talk everything we couldn't have been able to talk. Some were broken, some were melted and some were perfect at the end of firing process. I selected the ones that are in good condition and packed 928 of them along with ashes collected from my studio throughout past winters. I carried ashes, stones and some left over large piece of raw linen in my back to Berlin with no specific plan on either painting or life. In Berlin, I made a fire call and invited residency participants and friends to bring their offerings to the fire. Berlin ashes did not burn until the end due to the health and safety rules of the roof terrace of the building where Hoto is located, we had to put the fire off earlier than expected. As a result, I collected darker Berlin ashes. Mixing Istanbul and Berlin ashes as a result gave me dark ash mixture than expected which took the rest of my time at the residency to figure out how to work with it. Only one day before the exhibition opening, the large piece of raw linen that I hung meticulously on the wall with brass nails and painted only with linseed oil and gesso was staring at me, tempting me, calming me, scaring me and triggering me. It was a lot, it was the second biggest canvas I ever worked on in my lifetime after my degree show painting. I have finally found the courage and made my decision to paint with Istanbul - Berlin ash mixture. Immediately I have touched to the beautiful, pure, perfect, white washed surface of the linen with my hard and dark brush, I regret and started to I cry. I wanted to burn the painting while the exhibition was being installed. Few hours with only chaos later after midnight, when everybody has finished and gone, I walked to a Knaipe with Ulaş. We drank together with the Knaipe owner, I think after 5 songs played from the juke box; first song was 'California Blue by Roy Orbison’, a few schnapps later and a sentence I heard from Ulaş, I finally found a way to embrace the ashes and make peace on the painting that night and went to sleep. Next day, I presented two paintings made with the ashes of both fires. I installed the pebbles, which I called then particular / partiküler alongside the edges of the walls, under the ash paintings. Dogs and children who visited the show picked up the pebbles; smelled and played with them. I gifted some pebbles to the visitors that I had a chance to talk with. Later, on the day I was packing the pebbles, one of the visitors I assume took a pebble and hid a blue lighter there that had smiley faces on it and says 'happy'.

23.06.2022 " Dear Istanbul and Berlin friends, as a part of the piece I will be showing, I will need to make a fire to collect ashes to use in my continuing ash painting series. It’s an ongoing research that spans 7 seven years and I have been collecting ashes that relate to some events of my life,, It became my everyday ritual during cold and long winter days, my healing process, my digestion system and some kind of a survival act in unprecedented days as a ceremony of and for life at its most simplest/primal essence. All this time I kept this ritual or act for/to myself. I feel that it is time to share my experience with you within the alliance of our project. I am inviting all of you tonight to join the fire;; you can bring anything you would like to burn tonight( it does not necessarily have to be a special object it could also be a simple found object from the street or any unwanted item you feel like giving it to the fire) Come,,to the fire, tonight 8:00 22:00 pm at HOTO. P "